I’ve spent the most of my years in a dark cave, I was exhausted and frightened. Life was happening outside of me and slipping away very quickly. I was responding emotionally and acting illogically. Grown tired of fighting and resented responsibility, had battle wounds and my armour grew heavy. As I was going through patterns of intense self-doubt, something powerful happened and I began to listen to my inner voice. The voice that I’ve been ignoring for decades, as I looked deeper into my inner self, there was a little girl about 6 years old, full of anger, pain, fear and crippling feelings of betrayal and abandonment.
Abandonment trauma is the loss of love and connectedness. It represents core human fear, our adult functioning collapses. It is an intense feeling of devastation, the source of insecurities, addictions, compulsions and distress. It’s an insidious virus invading body, mind and soul. It’s a hidden trap that kept me stuck in patterns of self-sabotage.
Pain is an inevitable part of life and no amount of distraction truly takes the pain away. The same pain also forced me to look for a healing which requires ultimate belief transformation. This intention brought me on a journey to cross paths with many selfless and compassionate people. That point I understood the universe was responding to my desire for healing.
I’ve kick-started the process through sacred ceremonies and plant medicine, accessing levels of consciousness. I’ve realised that the secret of true healing only happens in agreeing and dealing with the death of the old self and the rebirth of the new self. I left the darkness of the cave, thanked the cave and stood in the sunlight, allowing the little girl to grow up into a mature warrior of love. I have been given the gift of awakening to share with others and learned the power of fierce compassion.
I cannot express the gratitude in words, suddenly language loses its power. I am immensely humbled and thank the source. I feel that my journey has just begun. I am the light I see in others and I choose love.
Love and Gratitude.